This past weekend I was blessed to be able to leave Kate with Daniel and go with my Bible study group to my parents' cabin for a little getaway. This marked my first overnight stay away from Kate and Daniel's first night alone with her. I was not worried about Daniel or Kate...well, maybe a little concerned for Daniel's sanity! But I knew he could handle it and he did. I am so proud of him!! (I am hoping for a blog post from Daddy's perspective on how things went!)
During the less than 24-hours I was away, I found myself really thinking, praying, and listening to God. That might sound odd considering I was in the company of eight women but let me explain. I woke up early Sunday morning, just before six, and knew I would not be able to go back to sleep. I felt this compulsion to get up, get dressed, and go down to the dock overlooking the lake. A foggy mist glided along and seemed to drift upwards off the chilly water as birds flew by overhead and the sun slowly emerged. Besides the birds' flapping wings and the occasional gunshot in the distance, everything was eerily still and calm, a perfect time to listen to God and hear His wisdom. So, I prayed. In the midst of a new day awakening, I opened my heart to Him and then sat quietly and listened.
Sometimes we justify our desires when we want something badly enough. I could easily rationalize that I needed to go back to school, that Kate and Daniel would be fine, that I could juggle all of it and still have time for God. But in all honesty, and in my heart, I knew this to be a lie. If I went back to school, everyone would suffer: my husband, my child, our household, our finances, but most importantly, my relationship with God. Since being out of school, I have had more time to spend in the Word and in prayer, and now I am involved in two amazing in-depth studies with other Christian women, which has truly blessed my life. Sadly, I wanted God to say, "Go for it! School is your passion and you deserve it!" But as I much I wanted to, I didn't hear that. Instead, I heard God whispering to my heart, telling me to trust in His timing, to stop being selfish, and to be patient.
Like a loving father, God knows what is best for us, and sometimes our desires do not align with His will. Sometimes we aren't ready for what we want. Sometimes He wants us to do something else. My prayer is that I will be attentive and responsive to God's will for me and that He will give me wisdom to understand it.
What an amazing story that comes off (much like the beautiful nature portrait above it): so fresh and calm and serene... I am so joyful you've reached a rejuvenating decision (even though it comes a little painfully since all decisions inevitably require a cost). You're not giving up on a dream, though....or even putting it on hold. In your everyday life, you will nurture those passions in ways that formal study won't wholly allow. You'll have time to "self-study", and a result, you will gain from this experience a deeper knowledge and a renewed spirit that will allow you to live happily in the moment and to embrace the opportunities available in the future with certainty that God's way is best, His timing is perfect, and His love is unfailing.
ReplyDelete