Being a Mommy

Yesterday when I was finishing up Kate's birth story and looking at the pictures of her after she was born, tears came to my eyes as I realized how quickly time has passed. In less than three weeks, she will celebrate her first birthday. A lot has changed. I have changed. And in more ways than one.

A year ago I was consumed with school. Reading Chaucer and Twain and writing an "A paper" were my focus. Now these "lofty" concerns have been replaced with weekly dinner menus, grocery shopping, and household chores. My once neat--though rarely clean--house is now littered with puzzle pieces, books, and toys. I am no longer so concerned about what I wear or how I look. What matters more to me is that Kate is clean and well-dressed. If I get a shower and can find a pair of pants that aren't wrinkled, I am happy. I still make to-do lists, but now if I don't get everything done, I am okay with putting things off "until tomorrow."

I also find that as a mom I am less concerned with what other people think about me, and, believe me, I have gotten many stares and heard countless comments about some of the "strange" things I do. For instance, having a baby with no pain medicine, carrying her around for a year in a baby carrier instead of a stroller, breastfeeding past one year, and bedsharing are all vastly unpopular in parenting circles today, especially in the South. But you know what? I could care less because I believe I am doing what is best for my child. What else should a mother do?

But mostly I have learned to find an order in the midst of chaos and how to run our household in a somewhat effective and peaceful way (or at least I hope Daniel would say so). I have become a coupon fiend and revel in finding the best bargains and paying the lowest price possible. Daniel is, of course, very happy about that because we are saving money, something I have never been good at doing on my own. Now it is a personal competition to see how much I can save each week, and call me weird (it's nothing new!), but I relish looking at my receipts, especially when they say that my savings exceeded my spending! There's something about having a child that puts finances into a new perspective: a selfless, more practical means of conservation. Dave Ramsey is my new best friend.

I am also trying to make our house a safe haven from the storms of life: a place where we retreat to from the busyness of the world. Rather than finding solace in activities and outings, I feel such peace at home: on the couch with my husband, playing with our daughter, and making "Mommy sandwiches." Yes, I have changed a lot in the last year but, I hope, for the better.

The house is still never clean and now rarely neat, but I feel content in knowing that our family is healthy, happy, and blessed.